Separated or divorced spouses who must continue to engage with each other to raise their joint children together know that doing this elegantly can be difficult. However, by adopting the right mindset and retaining a high level of consciousness about one’s actions, it can be possible to coparent together in a way that provides kids with the love and support they need while also reducing conflict for the parents. 

Very Well Family identifies what it refers to as a coparenting functioning scale to rate the level of competency and health in a coparenting relationship. A rating of 10 is best and a rating of one is lowest. Low-end ratings indicate the presence of high levels of conflict or vindictive behaviors. Examples may include one parent speaking derogatorily about the other to the children, refusing to pay one’s share of a child expense or a lack of willingness to adjust visit dates to accommodate the children’s needs. 

On the flip side, in a healthy coparenting relationship, both parents willingly change schedule dates as needed to reflect the sometimes fluid nature of a child’s life or activity schedule. They make it a point to speak positively about their former partner to or around their children. 

The Oprah Magazine recommends that moms and dads seeking a positive coparenting environment find little ways to support their children’s relationship with the other parent. For example, a mom could make it a point to take her kids shopping to buy a birthday present or a Father’s Day present for their dad every year. Disagreements should be kept away from children as well.